Episode II:The Untitled Star Wars Mockumentary
starring Chad Nelson & Damon Packard. Directed by and starring Damon 'Pookie' Packard.  

With the triumphant return of Damon "Pookie" Packard in both starring and directing roles, indie fans of his first feature cult smash REFLECTIONS OF EVIL are in for a blackly comic treat. Not only is the auteur side in fine form in a completely different (well, sorta different!) style, but the thespian parts of his complex personality are also in perfect sync with this chaotic vision.

Though it already goes by two different monikers upon its first release, EPISODE II: THE UNTITLED STAR WARS MOCKUMENTARY is really perhaps equally summed with the new title of DR. CULTUREHATE, OR: HOW I LEARNED TO START WORRYING AND DESPISE C.G.I. For every malcontent and/or average ticket buyer who has stumbled out of the vacant (headed) latest "concept flix" and into the vacant parking lots, it's a real Swiftian shot in the arm that reminds just how effective good MAD circa E.C. Gaines can be when well executed .

The basic "storyline" has a couple of mid-level to lower-level c.g.i. drones special effects desk jockeys each of whom must surrender their every thought and keystroke to the Grand Design in order to maintain their "top gun" pressure-filled gigs. It's a brutal vision, alright, but so finely observed in a neo-realistic, "reality t.v." way ("reality" and "t.v." together? uh oh...) that you go along, fastening your seat belt for the below the belt (at times) laughs to follow.

If this were just some kind of antithesis GEORGE LUCAS IN LOVE, we wouldn't be showing it here, as character assassination is really deplorable even when backed with substantiated claims. That's not the point of THE UNTITLED STAR WARS MOCKUMENTARY at all, though it has its share of low brow blows, too. Rather, it's the departure point for a critical look at the entire cycle of current moviemaking, from pre-production right down to "consumer consumption" at the bottom end.

Herein lies it's real charm and quiet genius, for THE UNTITLED STAR WARS MOCKUMENTARY is wise enough to realize we're all really at fault for accepting such crud passing so poorly as culture because of some ill-defined and hazy sense of HAPPY DAZE-styled "collective" ultrastalgia®.

In this sense, it feels like an episode of THE REAL WORLD but set in a hellish boot camp of eternal competition and endless existential angst as everyone awaits His final Word upon the day's work in a San Marin prison far, far away. Brutal in the Brutus sense of the word, granted, but truly effective.

There are sequences in THE UNTITLED STAR WARS MOCKUMENTARYthat are as funny as anything you'll find in A MIGHTY WIND or SPINAL TAP, but set in the movie making world, instead, and amongst the twenty/thirtysomethings who now inhabit computer cubicles ala Dilbert making flix instead of on vast old stages moving around 35mm equipment and lighting gear. In a way, nothing has changed, and yet, everything has, for now individual contribution seems reduced to a mere nod of approval, whereas in the past, each artisan contributed to the making of the whole in a much more group-oriented approach. Or so it seems, perhaps quaintly judging parts of history as I forgive or turn a blind eye to others. ;)

There are also sequences herein that rival many of the best in REFLECTIONS OF EVIL, so true Packard-lytes will not be disappointed by this newest work, albeit its slim running length. In this case, the leaner machine is also the meaner machine, both in biting sarcasm and effective use of form to generate genuine laughter.

Digest of the highlights rarely works in a review, but hey, we try anyway, just in case it somehow transcends the limitations. To wit: the great E.T. head explosion sequence in which everything goes up but the E.T. head; the technonerd who blathers on and on about sending digital cameras out to motion capture "real, psychotic homeless black people" to get at the feel George wanted for some robotic "extras" in the b.g., etc. Again, it may read only so-so, but execution in this case is everything. Or, it's an eleven. Miss this one at your own comic peril, fans of great cult entertainment. -- Notes by Taffy Lewis.

What Critics Say:

“So incredibly funny I pee'd my pants! Brilliant stuff, best underground film I've seen in years." -- Chris Gore, FILM THREAT DP PAGE

“This guy should have been as big a name as Spileberg by now, I don't get it. Why hasn't anyone offered him oodles of money to make a feature?'”-- SCI-FI JOURNAL

“Within the heart of every Star Wars fan is a little voice dying to spew his views about the 'Star Wars' that once was... hilarious fuck you about not only the state of the Star Wars saga, but also that of the CG loaded blockbuster... verbally and visually strikes at every corner, never letting its fist of fury down.” -- Dennis Przywara, FILM THREAT.com

“THIS is perfect cult film material. It's in there with Trekkies, and you should be ashamed for being a SW geek and not knowing what this is. It's a grail... like the unreleased Fantastic Four movie, the Star Wars Life Day crapstravaganza, and the live action JLA pilot. Integral parts of nerd subculture, tributes to the fetishes that underpin the greatest minds. If this is anything, it's bizarrely fetishistic and delicious.” -- ALL NERD REVIEW

“Has such a seething, slow-burning anger behind it. It is the cinematic equivilent of forcing a dog's nose into it's own urine.” – Matthew Reel, CULTSTITCH.com

“Be assured that Damon Packard is a maverick filmmaker who is simply light years ahead of his time.” – LIVE 4 METAL.com

“The cult genius of Damon continues with his hilarious trashing of the recent entries in the STAR WARS cashcow... One can only imagine what Packard would do with millions, something this reviewer truly hopes to see some day.” – Steve Puchalski, SHOCK CINEMA

“Packard does make his point and it’s a damn justifiable one. The assembly line of special effects, armed by yes men and CGI ditto-heads, and the buffoonery behind the overproduced crap that’s released by the Hollywood machine these days deserves being fried. .” – CULT CUTS

“An indie film and is indeed sick and twisted and dares to mock and trash one of the most beloved series of movies ever, ah how much I loved it!” – THE HACKER'S SOURCE

"Best of the Fest" -- 2004 BERKELEY FILM & VIDEO FESTIVAL


Like this flick? See also: REFLECTIONS OF EVIL

Wow, if you’re looking for examples of Cinema of Redux Sacrilege, you will need to pay a visit to Larry Buchanan’s immortal remakes of earlier AIP hits such as INVASION OF THE SAUCER MEN (which is the basis of this cheaper knock-off, both literally and figuratively, as Roger Corman – who produced the former – financed the Buchanan retreads himself!) or even IT CONQUERED THE WORLD into the infamous ZONTAR, THING FROM VENUS.

THE EYE CREATURES (1965) is a real "eye-opener" if you haven’t been Buchanan-ized yet. Bathing in these snake oiled holy waters, you feel positively redeemed afterwards. After all, you reason, how could you have possibly made a worse flick? Heal yourself of all doubt by lingering to see the congregation of non-thespians overacting to some incredibly challenging dialogue. Wow, did they all attend the Tor Johnson Academy of Dramatic Arts en masse, or is this some bizarre attempt by Buchanan but pre-Warhol to corner a new “factory” of weirdoes and self-styled personalities? Alternately substandardly acted and then frequently betraying even that modest standard, THE EYE CREATURES is as “entertainingly bad” as its cult reputation.

But even though many fans of various MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 believe their EYE CREATURES grilling was one of the series’ tastiest roasts, it is important to remember the extremely limited period of production allocated Buchanan (photo, left) by his non-budgets: most of the pictures were shot on schedules that should be more fairly called “hours” and not “days and nights.” Why would Corman treat his earlier hits so callously by remaking them for inferior budgets and with lesser talents?

For money, of course! Yes, our hero and patron saint/devil cleverly cashed in on the growing mid-60’s t.v. market for cheaply made syndicated fare (as long as it was in color, which his earlier flicks were not!). By producing knock-offs of earlier stories he knew “worked,” Corman hedged his bet and made it a “no-brainer” for Buchanan, who only had to rework the dialogue and storyline modestly before rushing into production.

The strained results are why THE EYE CREATURES is so ridiculously entertaining. In essence, a flying saucer stops flying when it lands in Hicksville, USA. Thirtysomethings too old to be teens play teens battling alien costumes that look like the Pillsbury Doughboy if he had torched his gooey head but survived the suicide attempt. No joke, we’re talking walking suits of Styrofoam with pasties, save instead of nipples, they’re eyeballs covering risible seams. If you ever had fun with Silly Foam or the like as a child, you probably sculpted equally convincing monsters.

But we still like this flick, despite its major and unending flaws. Buchanan is like the Randall Kleiser version of Ed D. Wood, Jr., talented despite his lack of demonstrable talent. It is this paradox – how did Larry the B. pull it off, time and time again, with such little to work with? – that lends to the credibility of the theory, at least, that he had talent. The concept is he was just too busy pulling off the two and three-day shoots to muster demonstrating any by the time he hoarsely whispered, “Roll ‘em.” Seriously, you try making a feature-length flick involving multiple locations and invading aliens, the military and shotgun-toting locals for the next-to-nothing budgets Buchanan was “working” under. If it’s half as “good” bad as THE EYE CREATURES, you too will one day be enshrined in a web site such as this one. ;)

Final note: in an effort to exploit you as much as Corman exploited Buchanan who in turn exploited his cast, crew and audiences, we hereby warn the jazzy cover featuring an alien invasion of evil-eyed Grays is a complete fabrication and bears no resemblance to the picture included inside. Still, it looks really bitchin'. -- Notes by El Bosco de Roche.

What Critics Say:

“The aliens look kind of like walking marshmallows and have black scallop-shells for mouths… editor S.F. Brownrigg later directed DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT, POOR WHITE TRASH PART TWO and DON'T OPEN THE DOOR.” -- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SCIENTIST!

“Light-years from being as good as, say, 'Earth vs. the Spider.'”-- DON’S MST3K SITE

“Came about as a result of AIP sending several of their old scripts to [Buchanan] and telling him to make cheap color versions of them for TV distribution… the amount of deja vu you get from watching… is incredible. One of my favorite quotes about Larry stated that he probably gave AIP what it wanted when they requested these movies; he sent them exposed film.” -- SCIFILM

“How about that line when Susan's Pop, who happens to be the city attorney, snaps at her hit-and-run suspect boyfriend, ‘You're lucky in one respect! The man you killed was a nobody!'… Cynthia Hull has the foresight to distract audiences from her performance with her vaguely ethnic, gravity-defying hairdo.” -- Shane R. Burridge, rec.arts.sf.reviews

“Retitled for video but whoever was responsible made a glaring error. It was retitled 'ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES with THE listed twice.” – MOVIE MISTAKES

“Shot in the mid-West and at such a rapid pace that no master shots were filmed to hold the action together.” – MST3K MOVIE GUIDE

“Gory horror film about title creatures and the intrepid band that tries to fight them off.” – LEONARD MALTIN’S MOVIE GUIDE

“Number Two: Bottom 10 Sci-Fi Movies (of all time).” – IMDB USER POLL

“These are the actors who were kicked out of street theatre.” – SCIFI 0 e

Like this flick? See also: ZONTAR, THING FROM VENUS